As I started to go into irrational mode, my hubby was so supportive. He sat and listened to my cry and vent, trying to make sense of what I was saying in between the sobs. I love that he doesn't try to fix me or judge me. He is just there being supportive in my crazy moments. I feel bad and apologize to him for being this way. I think he may wonder when his wife will be normal again. He just says he loves me no matter what. With his support I was able to see that it wasn't as bad as all that and I didn't need to beat myself up. He let me lay down while he did the dishes and folded the basket of laundry that had been sitting there for days. It turned into a really great moment.
Another great moment came when they came home from church. I stayed home in order to rest. Hubby and the girls came in laughing and so happy. Dad had told them a joke which they let me in on. Then I added to the joke and we were all laughing. It felt so great. I love those moments when everyone is happy and we are laughing together as a family. I really love my family.
The thing I like about myself is my ability to change. For a long time in my life, say the last 32 years, I really believed I couldn't change, it was impossible to change myself. I said, "I can't" a lot because of this belief.
I am so thankful that I have changed and now know it is possible to be in control of my own change.
I saw a perfect example of this yesterday. I know that when things get frustrating, I tend to shut down and block it all out. I don't want to see the negative so I don't. I have learned how unhealthy this is and am trying to change it. Yesterday, I was able to fight the urge to shut down in order to really examine my feelings. It was hard. Fighting your natural habits and trying to create new ones is hard. Changing the way you think is hard, but it is so worth it! I am thankful for the changes I have made and the ones I am making.
3 comments:
I am so proud of you for starting this blog! Depression just sucks, but one of the ways it kills us is through silence. Other ways: dwelling on negatives, refusing to grasp hope, anti-social behavior, etc. This blog idea is genius! And the best part? You will have amazing people supporting you just by reading it and commenting. I don't think I've ever properly thanked you (Facebook doesn't count, right), but your comments have always helped me. I'm glad my writing has been a small help for you. You're the best!! Hang in there!
Radel, I love that you've started this. Here I am, halfway across the country from you and I've been learning how responsible I am. Changing thought patterns and belief systems is not an easy thing, but a brave one. My two happy moments? 1) Walking away from purchasing an Easter dress that we didn't have the money for. I didn't feel "less than"--I just felt I was doing the "right" thing. 2) I had a 10 minute power nap and watched a movie with my kids. I actually rested on our day off. It felt great.
What I like about me? I like that I'm going after my goal of being an athlete.
yeah for supportive husbands! go gabe! and i missed you on sunday, but i'm glad you got to stay home and rest. good for you!
my happy moment today: i decided to just do a pre-launch and stop waiting for the photoshoot ... nothing is ever going to be "perfect" ... why not just put what i've already done out there already! so i did!!!
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